Him and his men, come in the club like hooligans, don't care who they offend, poppin' game like you got yen

I saw a sign in a store window today advertisting "MANCAVE TOYS." Surely I'm not the only one who thinks "mancave" sounds like something a closeted fratboy would call his rectum to a potential online suitor.

So the Super Bowl is in Indianapolis this weekend. I went downtown last weekend to check out everything that was going on. It's really cool to see all that activity and life here. But at the same time, it's really annoying when someone gets in my way when I'm trying to walk down the sidewalk. I know you all want to stop and look around, but move to the side out of the way. Otherwise, I don't care if you're a 60-year-old grandma--I will tell you to get out of the way. Am I wrong in this? I don't care that you want to discuss where you and Lucille might be able to get a table at a restaurant. Please move out of the way. Your table is not waiting for you in the middle of a very busy sidewalk.

as the protein transmutates, i knock on your skin and i am in

People keep asking me a lot lately if I ever cheat on my veganism. It's an impossible question to answer, though I like to think I do not. I eat honey, and occasionally wear wool that I purchased before I became a vegan, and wear leather sneakers to the gym that I bought before I became vegan, and I use tons of chapstick made with beeswax. I buy razors that were tested on animals because vegan razors cut the hell out of my face while at the same time not actually shaving me. I'm mostly comfortable with those things though. Sometimes I think I should give up foods with honey, and it's really quite seldom that I have it, but I think I only consider giving it up because of some outside pressure that the "vegans don't eat honey" crowd thinks, not because I actually think it is wrong. Every time I drive, I kill bugs; I kill ants that try to get in my windows during the summer, so why would bees be special? I can keep making excuses for why I'm ok with it, but if I have to keep making excuses to myself for it, maybe it would be easier to just stop. Who knows. anyway, no, I do not think I cheat. But there's no black and white answer, really. Blueberries aren't vegan, really, because bees are used in the fields. Same for flowers from the florist. Manure is used to grow my veggies. It's a non-vegan world. you can only do so much.

Also, I saw Lars von Trier's "Melancholia" recently. I have an amazing admiration for his work, and if I wrote out my top 20 favorite films or so, at least 4 of his would be in it, so obviously I get pretty excited when he has a new film. Plus, it had Kirsten Dunst, Charlotte Gainsbourg, and Alexander Skarsgard. In a movie about depression and the end of the world. So maybe I was just expecting too much and went in with hopes too high, but I was disappointed. I didn't dislike it. I just didn't really care about it. It was just ok. The poster for the film is beautiful, and some of the scenes are gorgeous to watch, but that was about it.

as fast as your fingernail grows, the atlantic ridge drifts

How I've missed you, blog!

A couple weeks ago, I spent a weekend putting in a bamboo floor in my living and dining room. Previously, there was a horrible stained white patterned berber carpet that was ridiculously bad. I still have that carpet upstairs, but at least one floor of my condo is rid of it. It's quite a relief. I have tone more projects to do, but this was a big one, and now I know I can actually complete the big projects. So onward and upward!

Also, I kept meaning to write about Bjork's latest album, Biophilia. It came out a couple months ago, and it is brilliant. It has the artsy-ness of Medulla with the accessibility of Homogenic. I've been a huge fan for half my life, and this is probably her best work. Though it's definately not for everyone. If you weren't already a fan, it will still just sound weird.

you go back to her and I go back to black

Happy Birthday, Allison!

it's better to rise than fade away

Today, I installed a celing fan and light fixture all by myself! And it's whisper quiet. No squeaking or wobbling. At least not yet. And last night, I used a stud finder (please, no jokes) to find a stud so that I could successfully hang a floating shelf.

All this, and I'm still alive to blog about it.

the chiils that you spill up by back leave me filled with satisfaction

It's really exciting learning how to do new things when you buy a home. I've fixed a toilet, replaced a shower head, caulked, trimmed bushes (badly, really badly), and possibly other new things. The money really adds up quickly though. Today, I ordered a new bed and mattress. I've been wanting a new one for years, and now that I have a guest room, I had an excuse. Now I can put my old bed in there and make guests sleep as uncomfortably as I have been sleeping for years. There's still so much to do and it's hard to try to pace myself. I want everything fixed now, but obviously can't afford to fix everything at once. Painting will have to happen soon. I was going to take pictures today, but my camera was dead and by the time I found the charger, it was dark and I didn't feel like it anymore. I will soon. Just no pics of the bushes.

when we're older and full of cancer... it doesn't matter now, come on get happy. nothing lasts forever.

I closed on my condo today! It's such a relief to be finished with the whole process and just be able to look forward to making payments through June of 2041.

Back to packing.

all i regret now is i never kissed your mouth, 'cause there's something about what happens when we talk

I love Lucinda Williams, so when I saw that she was playing a small club here in the city, I struggled about buying concert tickets when I was trying to buy a new home. It seemed like a splurge, but now that I've bought the tickets anyway, I feel so super-stoked. I can't imagine anything stupider than not going to this show. So yeah, I'm going to a fucking Lucinda Williams show! Cue the tears and heartbreak. Speaking of the new home, I have a closing date! This week, I signed all the mortgage application documents and had the inspection. It's hard to go through an inspection. None of it is good news. They just keep finding things that need fixed. How is that supposed to help with trying to stay excited? But I'm still excited. I just moved 6 months ago, so I'm really dreading doing it again. Plus, I need boxes. I have tons of stuff, and I think I kept maybe 5 boxes, since I didn't think I'd be moving so soon. So I only need like 65 more boxes. Or thousands of people who can carry a few things in their arms about ten miles across the city.

i've crawled on glass to grasp at straws, studdering, staggering through

When last we blogged together, I was considering a condo purchase. Now, I have a signed purchase agreement. The realtor sent me a few places, but I didn't really like any of them, so I found some on my own. And now I'm buying one, which should be simple enough. Find one. Get a mortgage. Sign some papers. Move in. Wait to die.

It's not so simple though. Realtors should give you anti-ulcer pills.

Can I really afford this? Is this the right place? Can I do this on my own? Why am I 31 years old and no one has ever even briefly considered living with me, let alone spending the rest of their life with me? What if I lose my job? What if I go to the hospital and I don't have medical insurance and I am suddenly piss broke? Do people really believe in Jesus rose from the dead? Can I find someone to take over my apartment lease?

I won't go on. I'm getting worked up again.

i am still living with your ghost, lonely and dreaming of the west coast.

I had a realtor today e-mail me a bunch of condos in my area. I've been thinking about making a purchase for a while now, but having an e-mail full of pictures makes me very nervous. On one hand, it's a great time to buy something. But on the other eight hands, is the condo building still going to look nice in ten years? What if I want to move soon? What if I have a horrible neighbor and unlike in my apartment, I can't just wait for them to get evicted? What if something goes wrong and I have no idea how to get it fixed?

There are some very low prices right now, and buying a condo is far less nerve-inducing than buying an actual house. Plus, no mowing and no gutter cleaning. Do I really want to go look at some of these places? I think I do.