I don't really miss God, but I sure miss Santa Claus.

subtitled: Courtney Love is Jesus, and Why "Live Through This" is the Greatest Album Ever.

Driving down I-69 on Christmas Day with no reason to live, I put on "Live Through This" like I have dozens of times like this before. It changes me every bit as much as blood leaving the body. In every note, Courtney is more relentless than a blizzard. More hate-filled than Fred Phelps. She is more desperate than a terminal patient, and more in pain than me. She is a musician who has no skin left to shred. Her life is worthless, so she has nothing left but rock. You feel it in every breath she sings with, and with every breath you take as you scream along until your voice leaves you, which only takes a couple songs. As I drive down this interstate, she saves me. She is Jesus, but no one understands. I still consider removing my seatbelt and crashing into a concrete barrier but she relieves the urge just enough to make the desire calm into fantasy. She tells me that if I live through this with her that she will die for me, and I believe her. She gives me no choice. I trust her every word, and she saves me soul. She is Jesus. She is God. She if the Holy Fucking Ghost. And I can keep on driving.

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After months of anticipation, "Antichrist" came to Indianapolis this weekend. When you have a film built up so much in your head before you see it, it's difficult for the film to live up to your expectations. However, when a film is frame-by-frame art, how can it let you down? I've seen most of Lars von Trier's movies, and been blown away by the majority, and it's amazing that he can continue to make movies that make even his most loyal and eager fans drop their jaws in awe. The casual viewer--not that anyone would casually go see a movie called "Antichrist" that is filled with violence, sex, and talking--would have a difficult time looking past the misogyny. But when the misogyny is a primary focus that is shoved in your face (literally), it moves beyond mere woman-bashing (though it is far from empowering.) After all, aren't the true misogynists writing James Bond or Meg Ryan flicks? While "Antichrist" definately isn't intended for mass consumption, it's the most amazing film-making I've seen in years. It continues to play in my head obsessively and refuses to make room for any of my other thoughts. Thankfully. I can't even come up with a song lyric for a title.

every night i pray that you don't knock her up, 'cause i still want to be the mother of your child.

Tonight, I was coked out on cold medication and took some photos of myself a la those pics people go get at Sears Portrait Studio to put on Christmas cards. What could be more fun?

In addition to that fun, I recently bought the new Shakira album and it reminded me how very much I love her. She's like the Bob Dylan of pop music, except with sexier metaphors. And I dare anyone to argue otherwise.