my best friend told me you're the best lick in town

Do they still do shout-outs on the radio? I don't listen to a lot of radio these days, but I remember some great shout-outs coming through the speakers years ago. I hope they still do that.

I moved into my apartment in late October, and when it came time to decorate for Christmas a month later, I didn't feel like it, since I wasn't even finished doing my primary decorating. But now the primary decorating is done, and Chistmas is upon us, and I feel bad that I ignored my festive things this year, and I fear that in a couple months, I will regret not taking the time to decorate and I may feel that I let time slip through my hands. Is that a reason to finally decorate only a couple days before Christmas, knowing that I will need to undecorate just a few days later? Do I have the energy for that? Do I have the energy to not do it?

i wanna go to heaven for the weather and hell for the company

I overslept this morning, and it just got worse from there. I didn't oversleep so much that I was late to work, but just enough to put that pit in your stomach that makes you feel rushed and uneasy all day.

So I moved to Muncie six weeks ago after accepting a job that I had wanted to do for years, that I cut off my life two years ago to go back to school to be able to do and put myself in a heap more debt to be able to do, and I enjoy the job (most days--though today was not one of them.) But when I moved here, I gave up a lot of the things and people I love, and today that feels really bad. Hopefully tomorrow it will feel more acceptable. I'm just having a bad day.

who needs love when there's southern comfort?

I thought I would give you an update on that empty corner in my living room that I blogged about when last I blogged: it's still there.

With the Thanksgiving holiday upon us, I wanted to announce the winner of my Thanksgiving-Related Film Awards Best Picture: The Ice Storm. Many quotable quotes, great costumes, icy acting (the good kind of icy), and Christina Ricci trying to get it on while wearing a Nixon mask. If only my own holiday celebrations could be so successful. If you loathe family holidays like I do, you'll love this movie. (A quick shout-out to Gene Shallot for inspiring my wordplay there.)

Happy Thankgiving!

i cannot run from my family, they're hiding inside of me

Many of you have asked how Muncie is working out, so I thought I would blog about my experience so far to calm the masses. My new job is going well, and living here is going just fine. I went out last weekend with some college students to a bar close to campus on Halloween and had a nice time just hanging out and trying to to feel too much older than them. I was in a college bar and didn't get carded, so that was pretty difficult, especially since the guy in front of me who looked about 45 got carded. I'm almost over it now though.

But Muncie isn't so bad. It's small and contained, and has most of the things I need within close proximity. My drive to work is along the river, and is especially pretty as the sun is setting with the fall-leaved trees lining the street.

I'm still trying to figure out how to put the furniture in my living room. I had everything set up, but a large corner of the room was filled with unpacked boxes, and as I unpack them, I realize more and more that I did not factor this third of the room into my decorating plan. But I'm being positive and telling myself that now I get to decorate twice. Yea!

now feel the fever as i leave you wanting more

So apparently I'm moving to Muncie. Home of Ball State University. I have trouble saying that without giggling. Does that make me immature?

I bought The Ting Ting's "We Started Nothing" album a few days ago. If you like euro-garage-noise pop, you'll love this album. I know you all do. To find out if you'll enjoy it, find 3 CD players (or record players for you, Christoph) and put Toni Basil's "Mickey" on repeat, as well as The White Stripes and Garbage, and play all three of those competing sounds at the same time. If that makes you sing along and dance, then you may like The Ting Tings.

I just re-read this recommendation and I realize now why Rolling Stone didn't hire me to write album reviews. I apologize for the hate mail.

and if you take him back, i'm gonna lose my nerve

Last night, I got home from work and there was a cat on my balcony. Normally, this wouldn't deserve a blog entry, but this case is special. I first heard said cat crying loudly and looked out to see that it had climbed about 5 feet high on the screen. Meanwhile, my own cat Tuesday was going crazy, hissing and whatnot. After a minute or so (are you visualizing with me or just reading?) said skinny gray cat climbed down and opened the screen with its un-de-clawed paw and tried to run inside. Was this cat hiungry, crazy, or love-starved? I didn't care to find out. I managed to grab the cat and put it back outside, closing the glass door, hoping the cat was not strong enough to open this door as it did the screen. I decided that if the cat was hungry, I could not deny it some food and water, so I tried to put some outside for it, but the cat would have none of it. Gray, as I will call him or her, got his or her head inside before I could close the door, so I was stuck trying to get the cat's head out without allowing the rest of the cat to get back inside, in which I was not successful. You probably think that this cat was acting wildly when he or she got inside, but you'd be wrong. Perfect lady/gentleman. So I got it back outside, and tried to forget the whole thing happened, though my Tuesday was still crouched in a corner hissing. End of a pointless story? Not yet.

For the next couple hours, it sounded like I was involved in a cat horror movie. Gray (did you forget I named the cat Gray? I did.) screamed and wailed and ran his or her claws along the window as if this cat was Freddy Krueger teasing me before coming inside to kill me. I managed to get the food and water out the second time without having Gray get his or her head inside my apartment, relieving some of my misplaced guilt. At some point in the night, Gray must have gone away, but the food I was able to put outside was eaten, so I hope that helped. Cat terrorism must end. Do your part, and hopefully they will leave us alone.

every little thing she does is magic

Readers, I have just received the greatest news imaginable! Bush impeached finally? No. Troops all coming home? Nope. An end to hunger? Better! Ginger is back!!!! (see post: i'm so very hot that when i rob your mansion, you ain't call the cops you call the fire station.) I've missed you, Ginger!!!

i'm so very hot that when i rob your mansion, you ain't call the cops, you call the fire station.

I miss GingerAmmon.com, but I don't know what to do about it.

you're out on the streets looking good, and baby deep down in your heart i guess you know that it ain't right

Hey readers! I actually have things to write about today!!!











Firstly, I am no longer a student. I had my last class at the end of July. How exciting! To top off the graduation excitement, I flew off to New York for a week. I got to do some great things and spend time with my friends. I went to some wonderful museums, the Jersey shore (see above), got to see Avenue Q for my birthday, walked around a lot, and spent the night in an airport. All in all, it was a wonderful trip, though my storytelling ability today doesn't do it justice.

When I got home, I spent a couple days doing next to nothing, and then took my board exam. I passed. Yea! I'm also taking donations to offset the cost of the exam. E-mail me privately for details.

Thanks, readers! Without you, I'm nothing.

all i really want is some patience, a way to calm the angry voice. and all i really want is deliverance.

I was just watching an episode of Dr. Phil (I know...) and there was an adult daughter on confronting her mother who did nothing to stop her stepfather from sexually abusing her for years. the mother just didn't get it. She found ways to shift blame away from herself, even away from the molestor, and onto her daughter. She acted as though her daughter should have been able (whether as a child or an adult) to fix herself and come to feel sorry for the mother for having to go through this. The poor mother. And the daughter was there trying to figure out how to forgive her mother for letting it happen. How do you forgive something like that? What is a parent good for when they look the other way or flat-out refuse to protect their child? How do you ever get over that?

When one such amazing foundation of parenting falls apart, how do you ever forgive them for that? Of course forgiveness is for yourself, to rid yourself of all that anger and bitterness and overall shittiness, but how do you forgive that? How can you ever let them off the hook for being a passive party to ruining your life? How can you ever look them in the eye? Hug them? Love them? Do they deserve anything from you?

and my friends were like whatever, you'll find someone better, his eyes were way too close together, and we never liked him from the start.

Welcome back to my bog. I mean blog.

So I'm graduating from mortuary school in nine days. I didn't anticipate the pressure I'd feel. I went to school for a specific occupation and now I have to go do it, and what if I din't like it? Not tha tI think I won't like it, but what if I put myself in a heap of debt and wasted two years on it. Not that I did. I'm just saying. So I'm looking for a job. That sucks too. I'm being pressured at my current job to go ahead and leave so they can hire someone who actually wants to work there, not that I care. Except I do care. I still do a pretty good job. It's not like I just go sit and distract people every day. Except I do that sometimes. But so will the person they replace me with. I digress. The pressure. My lease is up in 5 weeks and I don't know where to move because I don't know where I'll be working. So I don't even know where to look at apartments, let alone whether I should just stay here. I'm also having trouble deciding whether to just stay drunk, take a lot of Xanax, or a combo. I just want to sing Natalie Cole songs all day.

i hear sadness inside you

I don't understand how supposedly-counterculture people shop at Wal-Mart. I was driving today and saw a guy pulling out of Wal-Mart with all these bumper stickers on his car, covered in tattoos and crazy hair everywhere, and even some make-up (best I could tell). You make me sick, man.

you cleaned up, found jesus. things are good, or so i hear.

I'm watching "The Family Guy" and there was just a scene of Stephen Hawking having sex. You should probably look on youtube to try to find that clip. Sick.

I've decided to make my blog more literal so that i can produce better metaphors.

everyone i know goes away in the end

For about a year, I just couldn't decide what to do after school. Moving far away is such a big ordeal, but there's always that allure. But for the first time, perhaps, I feel some acceptance of my life here in Indianapolis. I think I might be happy here--or at least around here. Of course, there's no guarantee that I'll find a job here.

I'm such a control freak sometimes but there's so little I have control over right now. Maybe life is teaching me a lesson. Maybe I should just roll with the punches. I think I'm doing better with that. But there's constantly a rumbling in the pit of my stomach, a lingering nervousness that rarely fades. Even when you're established and settled down and all, there are no guarantees, but you at least know generally where your life is heading. I miss feeling that pseudo-guarantee. But I know that without change and giving up control, there can be no betterment.

Can I get an amen? Would that even be appropriate? You're all wonderful.

boy, you sure look pretty when you're putting the damage on

I was running through thoughts to blog today but it was sounding far too Carrie Bradshaw. I guess that's the trouble with leading such a ritzy lifestyle. As a result, I'll try to be less Sex-y so as not to rip anyone off.

There are always things in your head that are hard to verbalize and I've been having lots of those lately (it's not just me, right?). Sometimes it's stuff you don't know how to put into words, and sometimes it's just stuff you don't look forward to saying or don't know who to say it to or when to say it, or things you want to say and feel stupid enough just for thinking them but it runs you crazy keeping them inside.

Was Carrie simply a writer with a column to write, or was she an exhibitionist whose friends couldn't provide any real answers so she had to plead to millions of people for validation of those hard-to-verbalize thoughts that most of us normally keep to ourselves? Was it internal strength that provided her the ability to bare her inner workings or was it an insecure search for acceptance?

I know Carrie wasn't real. But of course I am real, though perhaps a bit less ballsy or strong or insecure. Maybe that's why I don't have my movie yet. That, and I make far less sense.

they always said that sex would change you

Personally, I like to hold things over people's heads. So when I see an opportunity, I go for it. Forgive me for being cryptic, but while I like to hold things over said heads, I don't like to be too obvious or intentionally embarrass anyone. That said, I'd just finished chatting with someone last night who asked me to go read his blog, and I started reading, and the blog started out on how the entry was inspired by chatting with someone. I thought, oh, I've inspired another person. How sweet! But then I continued to read, and clearly, I was not the inspiration. I hadn't had this conversation about dropsy, nor any other antiquated disease names or states of disease. Was I crushed? No. Was I surprise? No. Did I see an opportunity? Fuck yeah.

I'm going to leave things there for now. You know who you are. :-)

i'll only call you after if you say i can

So what's up, loyal readers? I apologize for being such a tardy blogger. But so much has happened that I haven't had time to write, but I'll have to fill you in on those details another time. There's a much more pressing issue today that needs to be aired: anti-oxidents. They're all over the place these days. In wrinkle creams. Fortifying my pomegranate juice. I said wrinkly cream already? XXX Vitamin Water (which is pomegranate flavor.) Are anti-oxidents only drinkable when mixed with pomegranate or does pomegranate juice contain anti-oxidents. If it's natural, why do they tell us that it's fortified? I suppose we'll never know.

i'd like to put you in a trance.

I made a wax face in Restorative Art today. I was trying to make it look like Dolly Parton, but it looked a lot more like an Easter Island head. Which is ok. They're both classics. And it's better than you did. Well, better than you would have done. Maybe.

I wrote a letter to my apartment complex saying that I would renew my lease for another 6 months if they give me the same rate I'm paying now. I've lived here for three years and they raise my rent every year, and I'm annoyed, but too tired to move. Do you think they fell for my bluff? I'm still waiting to find out. If not, is there someone who will let me live with them for 6 months until I graduate? If they give me a much higher rent after I've asked for mercy, I'd likely move no matter how much trouble it causes. Is there anyone out there who can help me pack and then paint my walls back to white and fill in all the holes in the walls? Is it too much to ask these days for a company to show some loyalty to someone who has paid their rent on time for three years and wants to keep doing it?

i can feel it in my bones: i'm gonna spend my whole life alone. fuck and run.

I'm gonna wing it today. I usually have at least an idea of what I might write about before I begin a blog, but not today. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I should go back and reread some of my posts and reconsider putting in here today that I have a plan when I begin. I know it's ludicrous.

Has anyone seen "Stardust"? It was great. I got it from Netflix and watched it a couple times. It's such a lovely and sweet fairy tale. It's an epic for chicks, which isn't normal, so I like that. And it stars Claire Danes as a star (an actual star from the sky). I watched the special features like any dork would who has just seen a movie he loves, and Claire was interviewed and was asked how she explained to the director the way in which she would make her character seem star-like. It's worth watching the movie and special features just for her response. I won't spoil it.

So that's my spontaneous thought.

Also, what the fuck is the deal with the media making such a big deal out of some politician-cum-president-wannabe winning a caucus in a small northern state and then everyone saying that other politicians-cum-president-wannabe might as well pack up and go home? Didn't Pat Buchanan win a few primaries back in his day? It's ridiculous.

Sorry to get political. Go Hillary.