i think i just don't get life.
meanwhile, robyn has a new 8-song album that is brilliant. i am calling it dorky electropop.
back to the first stuff though. my mood swings are significant anymore. i had a good last few days, or was i just acting the part of being functional? i never know. sometimes it feels real and sometimes it doesn't. am i feeling what i feel when i feel it, or am i always empty and then convince myself that the better days are really empty too and fake? how do people have normal lives? how do they build a life without debilitating panic or dark clouds? can the emptiness ever go away once it's there? what if empty is my normal like other people's normal is content? it hurts less than it used to, but i don't think that's good.
buy robyn's album.
2 comments:
You know what really makes me mad about my brain? It's that other people can seem to find things that make them passionate and they build real, satisfying lives out of pursuing those interests. It seems like the second something interests me and makes me want to learn more and delve and make something happen, my brain kicks in with, "What good is it going to do anyway? Who cares? Why bother even trying?" and I go right back to zero.
Do you ever wonder why Christina puts up with us as friends? It's not like we're bringing sunshine into her life. lol
She likes us because we're beautiful. Plus, sad, depressed people are very funny. We say things that other people are afraid to even think. Also, being around sad people makes other people feel happier by comparison, i think. maybe.
people ask me all the time what I like to do for fun. My answer is always "nothing too exciting," which seems to make both me and the person who asks sad.
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