when you leave me alone in this world you know that i'm in hell

i remember kissing before it came with hands below the waist, when it was the farthest things were going to go, when making out was the bliss and a new connection could be innocent. i'd like to be able to cling to anything innocent, but i know it's too late and that's never going to happen again. i don't remember ever actually feeling or being innocent, so maybe it was just an illusion, and a simple kiss could temporarily erase all the shit that was happening to me. that continues to happen to me even though it stopped years ago when i left. the physical power is gone but it still maintains a complicated grasp on every move i make. there may be no heaven but i know there is a hell.