nothing ever smells of roses when it rises out of ruins

I went to an IMAX movie for the first time this weekend. It was "Sea Monsters in 3D" and it was awesome. The only other 3D movie I'd ever seen was "Friday the 13th Part 3" and it just wasn't the same. I felt like such a dork for being so excited during and after having seen it. I kept saying "that was awesome." Why can't I be more eloquent? Am I really such a big dork?

it was a slap in the face how quickly i was replaced

Hello, readers!

I've been meaning to blog about some wonderful words of wisdom I heard on a documentary about grieving the loss of a child. True, these are all taken out of context, but believe me when I say that they were even more meaningful in context. There is nothing like these gems when dealing with the death of your child. I hope you can find all these words meaningful in your own lives.

"Human hearts break open. They don't break closed."

"Joy and sorrow are the scalpels God uses to open your heart."

"Depression is frozen anger."

"Grieving is the way to heal a heart that's been broken."

"Cursing is a form of prayer. It lets God know how you're feeling."

"We need to find a way to weave the words 'grieving' and 'healing' together."

"Any time we depress one feeling, we depress them all. Depression is a feeling we haven't allowed to come out."

"Stop and look at the rainbow."

"It's not easy to love, but it's the most real thing in the universe."

"Support the fertileness of your own soul."

"When you honor [your dead child's] soul, you honor your soul."

"Grieving is like having an empty teacup inside. You can't feel a teacup that's already full."

Feel free to comment on which ones would help you heal.

Your friend,

Joey

see the retard girl cross-eyed in the schoolyard

My how time flies, dear readers. I have now had my blog here for over a year, and I can proudly say I now have two regular readers. Such a time might cause me to reflect on the happenings of the last year, all their goings-on and such.

I said "might."

I don't really have a lot going on right now. Still trucking along in mortuary school. I bought a new laptop, but still use dial-up. And I still don't want to talk about the last year.

she turns and says "are you alright?" i said "i must be fine 'cause my heart's still beating."

I don't know what to say today.

if you don't have a song to sing, you're ok

I pledge to you, dear readers, that after a string of downers, this post is gonna be off the chain. Well, I don't like to overpromise, so let's just say it's gonna be wiggity-wiggity-wiggity whack. I don't like that either. You know what, fuck it. I'm not even gonna say anything. I ruined it. Just like I ruin everything. Just like I've ruined everything for the last 28 years (yes, I had a birthday for those of you who forgot.) So enough is enough.

And scene.

That, dear readers, is drama. Gaze into my eyes and see the tears I was able to produce. Take that, Juliane Moore! Take that, Nicole Kidman! Take that, Chloe Sevingy! You call that emoting, Meryl Streep?

That's what I thought.

you look so fine. i want to break your heart and give you mine.

I used to watch this cheesy show during my lunch breaks called "Starting Over." It was a show where women would move into this house in order to deal with some aspect of their life they were having trouble with. Ideally, they would work cooperatively with a therapist and the other women to reslove issues and one day graduate from the house. A big part of all their journeys involved finding the root cause of all the troubles in their lives, and though it wasn't an easy journey from there, they could at least deal with all the fallout from that root cause.

As long as I can remember, I've been a negative, fearful, angry, self-depricating person who uses humor to attempt to get people not to delve deeper, to only think I'm funny and a bit weird and move along. The one thing I am best at is pushing people away so they--and I--don't have to deal with anything on a deeper level. Not many people stick around to find out anything real.

I'm trying to be more open lately in an attempt to leave some of the bad stuff behind. I've driven myself crazy for years and I wonder what horrible things I've said to people and done to people without even realizing it--sometimes I do realize it. But you can't get better until you start to try.

like a fresh battery, i'm energized by you

Hello lucky readers. Not much going on lately. My summer semester of school ended a couple days ago, so only one more year to go (hopefully). My summer classes were pretty easy, so it's going to be tough getting back into the swing of things once the real classes start back up in a few weeks. But I am strong. I am invincible. I am one hell of a pissant.

i dropped acid on a saturday night just to see what the fuss was about

There are things that happen in life that completely destroy your chances. It's crazy how something you almost don't even remember can affect so many parts of your life. you can learn from a very early age how to not get too close and how to drive people away and how to shut down and fuck it all away. and keep trying to push it all down and not remember.

i'm gonna lock my son up in a tower till i write my whole life story on the back of his big brown eyes

You know who you are. You know what's wrong. You can't keep going on like this. You know what you need to do. You know what you need to change. You know what you have to change. This is all for you. This is all about you.


You're a watchdog, and I need you to be an intruder. It can't go on like this.

my lover, i'd rather be under than getting over you

I finally started reading the first Harry Potter book. I know. Where have I been? I must say I'm enjoying it. I don't really like reading a book after I've seen the movie version though, because then you just end up relying on the imagination of the movie makers instead of your own. But I like it anyway.