you go back to her and I go back to black

Happy Birthday, Allison!

it's better to rise than fade away

Today, I installed a celing fan and light fixture all by myself! And it's whisper quiet. No squeaking or wobbling. At least not yet. And last night, I used a stud finder (please, no jokes) to find a stud so that I could successfully hang a floating shelf.

All this, and I'm still alive to blog about it.

the chiils that you spill up by back leave me filled with satisfaction

It's really exciting learning how to do new things when you buy a home. I've fixed a toilet, replaced a shower head, caulked, trimmed bushes (badly, really badly), and possibly other new things. The money really adds up quickly though. Today, I ordered a new bed and mattress. I've been wanting a new one for years, and now that I have a guest room, I had an excuse. Now I can put my old bed in there and make guests sleep as uncomfortably as I have been sleeping for years. There's still so much to do and it's hard to try to pace myself. I want everything fixed now, but obviously can't afford to fix everything at once. Painting will have to happen soon. I was going to take pictures today, but my camera was dead and by the time I found the charger, it was dark and I didn't feel like it anymore. I will soon. Just no pics of the bushes.

when we're older and full of cancer... it doesn't matter now, come on get happy. nothing lasts forever.

I closed on my condo today! It's such a relief to be finished with the whole process and just be able to look forward to making payments through June of 2041.

Back to packing.

all i regret now is i never kissed your mouth, 'cause there's something about what happens when we talk

I love Lucinda Williams, so when I saw that she was playing a small club here in the city, I struggled about buying concert tickets when I was trying to buy a new home. It seemed like a splurge, but now that I've bought the tickets anyway, I feel so super-stoked. I can't imagine anything stupider than not going to this show. So yeah, I'm going to a fucking Lucinda Williams show! Cue the tears and heartbreak. Speaking of the new home, I have a closing date! This week, I signed all the mortgage application documents and had the inspection. It's hard to go through an inspection. None of it is good news. They just keep finding things that need fixed. How is that supposed to help with trying to stay excited? But I'm still excited. I just moved 6 months ago, so I'm really dreading doing it again. Plus, I need boxes. I have tons of stuff, and I think I kept maybe 5 boxes, since I didn't think I'd be moving so soon. So I only need like 65 more boxes. Or thousands of people who can carry a few things in their arms about ten miles across the city.

i've crawled on glass to grasp at straws, studdering, staggering through

When last we blogged together, I was considering a condo purchase. Now, I have a signed purchase agreement. The realtor sent me a few places, but I didn't really like any of them, so I found some on my own. And now I'm buying one, which should be simple enough. Find one. Get a mortgage. Sign some papers. Move in. Wait to die.

It's not so simple though. Realtors should give you anti-ulcer pills.

Can I really afford this? Is this the right place? Can I do this on my own? Why am I 31 years old and no one has ever even briefly considered living with me, let alone spending the rest of their life with me? What if I lose my job? What if I go to the hospital and I don't have medical insurance and I am suddenly piss broke? Do people really believe in Jesus rose from the dead? Can I find someone to take over my apartment lease?

I won't go on. I'm getting worked up again.

i am still living with your ghost, lonely and dreaming of the west coast.

I had a realtor today e-mail me a bunch of condos in my area. I've been thinking about making a purchase for a while now, but having an e-mail full of pictures makes me very nervous. On one hand, it's a great time to buy something. But on the other eight hands, is the condo building still going to look nice in ten years? What if I want to move soon? What if I have a horrible neighbor and unlike in my apartment, I can't just wait for them to get evicted? What if something goes wrong and I have no idea how to get it fixed?

There are some very low prices right now, and buying a condo is far less nerve-inducing than buying an actual house. Plus, no mowing and no gutter cleaning. Do I really want to go look at some of these places? I think I do.

he's got chicken liver balls. he's got chicken liver spleen.

It seems like it has rained, snowed, or iced every day for the last 32 months or so. Area goth people must be loving it. I do not. It's not like I sit out in the sun getting tan, but it's nice when sunshine peeks through the curtains as I lay on the couch on my day off.

Today, the sole fell off one of my shoes as I was walking around at work (damn vegan shoes), and I had to spend the rest of the day walking around in a shoe with no sole (on a body with no soul.) It was uncomfortable for a few minutes, but then it felt sort of nice, only having a thin pleather layer of material between my foot and the floor. I wish floors were all free of debris so that I could just wear socks. I would buy some awesome socks. I already have some awesome socks, but no one ever sees them. That's unfortunate, really.

life is a cabaret, old chum

For years, I thought Liza Minnelli was just a joke. Not a good joke. She was clearly a pill addict. her love life was strange, to say the least. She did bad reality TV about said love life. I thought she was really only famous because she was Judy Garland's daughter. Then came "Arrested Development," where I really came to respect her. She wasn't afriad to make fun of herself, and showed an outstanding comic talent. And after all, being the child of a celebrity doesn't really mean you can have a long successful career. I had been too hard on her. Plus, my beloved Courtney Love is the addict of all addicts, so who am I to judge?

So I saw that she was coming to my fair city to perform alongside the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra, and I thought, "What a novel idea. I should go." So I did. I really didn't know that much about her early career. yes, I saw Cabaret, but that was about it. I didn't get the best seats in the house, and I was fine with that. I was only going as a casual fan.

She was outstanding. Singing, dancing, joking around, oozing love for her fans. I could see the twinkle in her eye from row KK in the balcony. I haven't smiled so big for so long perhaps ever.

People don't become legends by accident. We should go see them in person every chance we get. It makes us all better.

clearly i remember picking on the boy. seemed a harmless little fuck.

Committed relationships are only good for financial purposes, I think. And then, only in the case of multiple incomes. Otherwise, I'm not sure I get the draw of it all. Sure, it would be nice to have an activity companion sometimes, but often it's exciting to live more spontaneously. Do I want to always be a "Joey and Whoever"? Of course it's nice to feel loved by someone. But it's also nice to not have to compromise.

I ate unfrosted shredded wheat with Hershey's syrup for dinner and I didn't have to explain why to anyone. It tasted damn good. Was it as nice as cuddling on the couch watching a good movie with someone who loves me? Perhaps not. But was it better than cuddling on the couch with someone who I'm not sure still feels the same passion for me as he used to? Definately.